There Are Going to be Some

Changes Around Here!

Sunday May 19, 2013

My husband has been warned.  There are going to be some changes around here when I can hear!!!!

When I first realized that I had a hearing problem, I told my husband that jokes were the first thing I lost.  So often when someone makes a comical comment on a situation that is happening right then, they make the comment "under their breath" or they whisper it to those around them.  Quickly it occurred to me that I couldn't hear those.  People near the person making the silly comment would hear it and laugh and I would have no idea what had been said.  Often we weren't in a situation where someone could repeat it for me.  Just in the telling of a normal joke, there may be a pun or a play on words within the joke and I would often not hear enough of the joke for it to make sense to me.


My husband and I have always teased each other and for the most part, we know where the boundaries are.  I have told him he can't tell a certain "meatloaf story" to people we have just met; especially if we have just invited them over for a meal.  There are things I would never tease him about in public.  But over time he discovered that he could tell things about me and people would look my way and laugh and I would not have a clue about what he had said.  When I would say, "What did you say?"  He would often turn red, and sweetly say, "I said, I love you."  When he would do that, I would usually elbow him in the ribs, or whack him on the arm, knowing full well that he had not just said that, but still not knowing what had been said.  Now he tells people that every time he tells me he loves me, I hit him.  Well, that is probably true, but I know he deserves it.

So that brings us to the the current times.  I am warning him:  When I can hear, he better watch out!  He will no longer get a free pass.  He can't tell things about me without me knowing what he said!

Seriously, it is true that jokes are the first thing that you lose when your hearing starts to fail.  Think about the things that have made you laugh recently.  Many of those things were whispered.  Some of those things might be best left unsaid, but many are just cute, witty remarks made to bring a smile to someone.

So the standing joke around our house these days is: Watch it!  Your days are numbered!  And he will smile sweetly and say, "I just said, I love you!"  Right....

In just  little over two weeks, Ron and I will have been married 48 years, so I guess the teasing has worked for us.  Even though I may "elbow" him, or "whack" him on the arm, in those 48 years I have never doubted that he loved me and that he was totally committed to me, our marriage, and our family.  Laughter is one of the strongest memories of the time period when our four sons were all living at home.  There was usually an abundance of laughter around the dining table and I sure hate the quiet meals we have now that the kids are gone and I can't really hear enough to carry on an easy conversation.



This afternoon after our guests had gone home, he told me that in the lesson he taught in our Bible study class this morning, the marriage vow to "love, honor, and obey" had come up.  (As usual, I had heard none of his lesson.)  He said that when we arrived home, I was busily trying to get lunch on the table for the 12 of us who were hungry, and that I kept giving him "orders"  for the first ten minutes.  I told him that I was sorry for doing that to him.  I told him I appreciated his help and that I knew he was helping more than ever, now that I have lost my hearing.  He picked up the dry marker board that he often uses to communicate with me, and  wrote: "I'm not offended.  It was just funny."   I thank God for the husband that He gave me and for the gift of laughter.  I plan to laugh a lot more when I can hear what is going on!

Summer Adventure 2013

Thursday May 16, 2013

 

 

Have you planned a summer adventure for your family or for yourself?  Is there something you have always wanted to do or somewhere you have always wanted to go?  What are you waiting for?

 

In my family, I always felt like I got "short-changed" on cousins.  Daddy was an only child and Mom only had one brother.  So to start with, I only had one aunt and one uncle (Mom's brother and his wife).  My aunt and uncle had four children, two girls and two boys.  They were great!  They were cute, fun, cheerful, and they lived close enough that we got to see them at least once a year and sometimes more often.

 

It is funny when I think back, the oldest cousin is about a year younger than I am and she was the quietest of the bunch.  Her younger sister, about 15 months younger, was as silly as they come!  Oh, she made us laugh!  She could giggle better than anyone I knew.  They had two younger brothers.  Those two boys were adorable, happy, redheads with more freckles than anyone could count.  We loved for them to come visit. 

 

Time passed and we all grew up, got married, scattered, and rarely see one another.  The oldest cousin spent 12 years with her husband, serving on the mission field in Kenya, where they had four children.  When on furlough from the mission field, they would usually come spend a week with our family.  My cousin would be the first one to "conk out" at night, but the rest of us would be up talking for hours.  She never wanted to miss anything, so she would bring her pillow and blanket and curl up on the floor where ever we were chatting and laughing, in hopes she wouldn't miss anything.  But within a few minutes she would be sleeping soundly.  We would tease her about being a "stick in the mud."  "Where is your sense of adventure?"

 

Now in her mid-60s, she lives in the Texas Panhandle, but this Saturday, she is meeting up in Williamsburg, VA, with a group of people she has never met, to BIKE across America!  Over the next 3 months they will ride 4,180 miles, going from coast to coast.  The first riding day, this coming Sunday, they will do an orientation ride of 25 miles.  Then Monday they actually leave and ride 49 miles that first day.  Much of the time they will be camping out along the way.  This same lady has run marathons in many cities across our country.   She snow skies, scuba dives, and jogs (for fun).  Ok, now who is the "stick in the mud"? 

 

My adventure for this summer is hopefully going to take me from a world of silence to a world of sounds.  My trip will be from a quiet, withdrawn life, to a life filled with sounds of laughter, giggles, and bird songs.  Over the recent years my world has basically gotten smaller and smaller as I would struggle to hear and as I have become increasingly uncomfortable in many settings.  At the same time, my cousin has expanded her world as she tries new things.  

 

When my cousin prepared for marathons, or this past year for the bike ride, she put in long hours practicing to be ready for the challenge.  She got better and better as she did the exercises to become good at what she wanted to do.  When she took up scuba diving, it took practice before she was ready to make trips to tropical locations to dive safely and enjoy the sights in the new surroundings underwater. 

 

In some ways, my summer ahead will be that way.  When I have the surgery for my Cochlear Implant, I will not start hearing right away.  Following surgery, they wait until the patient has healed, and then after 3 or 4 weeks, they activate the device.  The audiology experts at the Houston Ear Research Foundation will show me how to attach the external parts of the instrument and they will start teaching me how to use it and how to understand what the sounds are that I will be hearing.  The audiologist I have met with has told me that I will need to practice every day by reading out loud, or following the printed word as I listen to audio books.  The sounds coming for the Cochlear Implant are not sounds like you hear every day.  These will be electronic sounds that are basically computer generated sounds.  Patients have to learn to understand those sounds.  I have been told the only way to do this is to practice EVERY day.  It takes about a year for most patients to begin to get the most out of their implant.  The more I practice, the better I will get at understanding what I hear.

 

My cousin set goals for herself in order to get the most out of her experiences.  I will need to do the same.  Tonight I wrote a comment on her blog, telling her that I knew there would be days when she would wonder why she was doing this.  There may be some days ahead when I am overwhelmed by the loud noises that I don't understand and will wonder why I went through the process.  But I told her that I believed that most days she would be delighted at all she will be seeing.  I expect that most days I will be delighted with all that I am hearing. 

 

It would be great if sometime in the months following her trip, I can "hear" all about her adventure.  My cousin is a speech therapist, and I think she will want to hear all about my adventure when she gets home.  Often speech therapists are called on to help those who have Cochlear Implants.  Until we can get together and hear about each others' summers, we will follow each others' blogs and keep up with the progress along our Summer Adventures of 2013!  What is your adventure going to be?

 

 

"Four Weeks From Today, On June 10th"

Monday, May 13, 2013

This afternoon I went to my G.P. for a follow up visit on how I was doing with some new medications he had prescribed.  I have a lot of allergies and a lot of drug allergies, so it is always a challenge for a doctor to find a medication to do what is needed without doing what isn't needed - like an allergic reaction.  The current problem we were working on was just that: Allergies! 

The Doctor had put me on four medications to try to keep my allergies under control so that I wouldn't end up with chest congestion at time for the surgery for the Cochlear Implant.  The medications are doing fairly well, but I still battle sinus drainage down my throat (my main complaint when we started this).  So today he decided to add a nasal spray, as I requested last month.  First he mentioned a few different types and I told him several of them, I had tried but developed nose bleeds with them.  So he decided on a new one.  The only drawback he said (other than a list of possible side effects that he showed me) was the cost.  He said, "It is very expensive."  So he checked on his lap top computer that he carried in with him and found that my insurance covered it except for the co-pay. 

As I was leaving the office, I stopped at the desk where a young lady always gives me an assortment of paperwork.  This sweet young lady sits in front of me at church most Sundays and it is comforting to see a familiar face on each doctor visit.  One thing I really like about this doctor is that when you leave, this same lady gives me a printout of all that we discussed at the visit.  The printout tells what medications he thinks I am taking, both prescription and over the counter.  It shows the results of any lab tests that were run and it lists all new instructions I was given.  This is so helpful to me when I am not always sure I heard correctly.  One day I mentioned that to him and he quickly told me if I ever didn't understand something, to tell him and he would repeat it.  He has been very patient and good about repeating many things.  Back to the paperwork, last they attach any new prescription orders and list the next appointment. 

When this sweet clerk handed me my papers, she highlighted the next appointment and said, "Your next appointment is four weeks from today, on June 10th."  I told her that wouldn't work since that is the day of my surgery in Houston.  Then it hit me!  Four weeks from today!  Wow!  On May 10th,I had actually thought about the surgery date, but that meant it was still a month away.  Four weeks is much shorter than a month - right?  Anyway, it just really hit me when she said the date, that time is passing and it will be time for the surgery before too much longer.

Before I had left our office this afternoon to go to the doctor, my husband had put in calls to the surgeon's office in Houston and to the hospital there, to find out what our final costs would be.  They had told him to call about this time and they would have the figures for him.  Well, Praise God, the doctor's office said we would not owe them anything.  Medicare and my supplemental insurance will cover it all.  That is great news!  We don't know yet about our portion of the hospital bill or the anesthesiologist's bill, but so far, so good. 

On the way back to work I stopped at the drug store to have that prescription filled that the doctor had warned me would be expensive.  I asked the girl to give me the price before she filled it.  Tap, tap, tap, on the computer keyboard and eventually she said, "$40."  I told her to go ahead and fill it.  When I got my package from the pharmacist, as always, they printed on the information sheet how much my insurance company saved me on my prescription.  This one said, "Your insurance saved you $166.99".  Yikes!  The doctor was right, it was expensive: $206.99 was the regular price.  Oh, my!

Just as I was returning to the office, that very loud noise in my head started.  I believe I mentioned in an earlier blog.  This is just NOISE!  The music was still there, but was almost drowned out by the noise.  It was instantly as though someone flipped a switch and turned on "the noise".  One result is that when the noise is so loud, I talk way too loud, trying to talk over the noise.  Of course no one else hears the noise so they don't know why I am suddenly yelling at them.  We were planning to go to Chick-fil-A tonight to take part in a fund raiser for our church school, (since my husband is on the church school board, I thought that would be a good idea)  but I knew I wouldn't be able to deal with a crowd and my noise, so my husband said he would go pick up our supper there and bring it home. I really appreciated that and since it was already past closing time, I headed home. 

At home, I spent time in the yard filling the bird feeders, the birdbath, and putting out some oranges for the woodpeckers and any orioles still around.  The noise began to slowly subside and by the time I had eaten supper and taken a relaxing bath, I was back to the normal music and no noise.  I have not been able to pinpoint any trigger for the noise to start or stop, but I continue trying things to turn it off once it has been turned on. 

One more important item, not really related to the hearing loss, but is something I mentioned earlier in this blog.  Our son and his wife who live here had invited us over for lunch after church, along with my mother and my husband's mother, to celebrate Mother's Day.  That made it a special day.  But the thing that made it most special, was the baptism of our two oldest grand daughters.  In our church baptism follows the time when a person comes to a point in their life where they realize that they are a sinner, confess that sin to the Lord, and accept Christ Jesus as their personal Savior, realizing that Christ paid for their sin on the cross.  As is tradition in our church, if a child's father is a member of the church and wants to, he is allowed to baptize his own children.  So our son had the joy of baptizing these two precious girls to symbolize that they are being buried to their old life of sin and raised to a new life in Christ.   Here, the girls are waiting for their baptism.

A Symphony of Sound in the Backyard

Saturday May 11, 2013

Today was a quiet and relaxing day.  There are phrases that we all use that now take on new meaning to me.  Examples of these would be, "I had a quiet day," "Did you hear about...?" or "I heard on the news..."  Phrases like that are now constant reminders that my days are all quiet and I don't "hear" the news, I read it, etc.  That being said, it was a relaxing day and for much of it, I did not use my amplifying device, so it was also quiet.

Since it was Saturday, my housekeeper came for the morning and blessed me by getting my house wonderfully clean while I did other things.  Tomorrow is Mother's Day so there was a little shopping to do.  I went to several places and while I was out I stopped at my favorite plant nursery and bought several plants for the backyard.  After I brought those home, I headed out to buy groceries.  My husband offered to go with me, but I told him I thought I would be fine, and I was. 

After lunch, I sewed for a while on my current quilt project and then spent 2 hours working in the yard - in silence - except for the music I hear in my brain.  If you have been following this blog, you know by now that I love to photograph birds.  As I worked in the yard today, I kept thinking of the things I can't hear and how much I look forward to hearing them.  Naturally thoughts of family quickly came to mind, but there are also all the wonderful sounds in nature that God has given us to enjoy.

This Spring our yard has been filled with doves of several varieties.  This Mourning Dove is said to make a mournful sound.  There were also many White-Winged Doves, and I know that most doves "coo" and that it can be a calming sound.  I look forward to hearing them again soon.

 

This pair of Black-bellied Whistling Ducks think that our backyard belongs to them and they are almost always there.  They make a very unique sound that can be rather loud in large groups of them; and they do like to be in groups.  These two stay most of the time but about 20 others join them many days to clean out my bird feeders.  They drive me "nuts" some days, but I look forward to hearing them.

 

When woodpeckers, like this female Golden-Fronted Woodpecker, start pecking on the house or a nearby tree things can get loud.  I remember that, but I haven't heard it in a long time.  Even annoying sounds will be appreciated (for a while).  Besides their pecking they make other sounds.

 

Warblers can sing a pretty tune.  My bird book tells me that this Kentucky Warbler has a song that is "a series of rolling musical notes."  Wow!  I am eager to hear that.  He is just a tiny little guy that is just passing through on his annual migration.  It is such a treat that he stopped by to spend a few days hopping around on the waterfall in our backyard.  "Seeing" him is a joy.  "Hearing" him probably will be, too.

 

 

This Hermit Thrush is also on his way north for the summer and the bird book says his song is "a serene series of clear, flute like notes, the similar phrases repeated at different pitches."  Oh, to hear that!  What an amazing solo from this little bird. 

 

 

One of my favorites during migration is this cute little Wood Thrush.  I think he has been coming for several years.  I look forward to seeing him each migration time, but I have never heard him.  Again, my book says he has a loud, liquid song of three - to - five note phrases, each phrase usually ending with a complex trill.  Amazing!  I want to hear it!

 

Even this toad can sing.  I remember hearing him.  He is loud, and he has friends!  They all try to outdo each other, as I recall.

ALL OF THIS!  Right out my backdoor!  And all of these were here this afternoon, as well as several other warblers, a pair of Green Jays, an Ovenbird, Grackles, a host of Sparrows, Muscovy Ducks and Mallard Ducks, and I never "heard" a thing.  My two hours of yard work was accompanied only by the music by brain plays.  It is good music, but God has a whole symphony playing in my backyard most days, He reserved a front row seat for me, but I don't hear it. 

 

 

Timeline Updates and Future Schedule

Wednesday May 8, 2013

On April 18, a couple of weeks ago, I wrote a blog entry showing a timeline of medical events we had gone through this year.  At that time, there were still some pending medical issues.  Most of those have now been resolved. 

Since that entry, I have returned to the urologist in Harlingen for the cystoscopy and the results were completely normal.  Yea!  Good news!  She asked me to return late this summer for a checkup.  Ron has been back to the lung specialist a couple of times for tests and once for results and all of his tests were totally normal.  More good news!  All his blood work numbers, 4 pages of results, were within the normal ranges.  Praise God!  He has a follow up in the fall with that doctor. 

In the meantime, Ron developed an ear problem.  Horrors!  We just can't have that!  He went to the doctor last week with no satisfactory results, and goes back in a couple of days.  He also will be referred to a specialist for that problem.  Specialist referrals seem to be the norm these days.  I go back to the G.P. May13 for a follow up. 

As for our Houston appointments, we will be going to Houston the day after Memorial Day, May 28, to pre-register at the hospital and to have lab work done.  We are going to add a trip to Dallas onto that appointment and see our youngest son, Stephen over the Memorial Day weekend and meet for the first time, a very special young lady in his life.

The surgery for the Cochlear Implant is scheduled for June 10 (I won't know what time of day until later).  It will be outpatient surgery and we will stay overnight in Houston following the surgery. Our plan is to head home on the 11th of June, going by Hobby Airport in Houston to pick up our daughter-in-law Vickey who will fly in that morning to come home with us for a week to be at the house with me as I recover.  Most of what I have read says the recovery should be easy, but since I won't be able to hear, it could present some challenges.  If I did have a medical need, I could not make a phone call for help.  I am planning to be off that week.  Several people have offered to help, but Vickey offered to come for a week and we decided that would be wise.  She and I will enjoy time together, but it will be hard, because during that time, I will no longer have any hearing in the ear that is to be operated on and we do love to talk!

Once the surgery is done, that ear will have no normal hearing left in it.  So from the time of the surgery, until the Cochlear Implant is activated in early July, I will be more deaf than I am now.  There is a tiny bit of hearing in the other ear, but I can't understand speech in that other ear. 

The risks with the Cochlear Implant surgery are minimal, but real.  Because the surgery is done around the facial nerves for that side, there is a slight chance of damage to those nerves.  Following surgery there can be swelling which could cause temporary problems for those facial nerves.  The same is true of the risk of dizziness.  The middle ear is disturbed and dizziness can result from that - normally if this happens, it is temporary.  There are a few other risks like loss of taste.  These are rare, and usually short term, but should be considered.   When I weigh the risks against the deafness of my world currently, I find it is worth the risk. 

July 2 I have a 2 1/2 hour morning appointment with the Houston Ear Research Foundation where they will activate and program the Cochlear implant.  That afternoon I have a followup appointment with the surgeon.  The following day, July 3, I have another 2 1/2 hour appointment on the programing and adjusting of the device.  We should be able to head home that afternoon. 

That should bring you up to date on our schedule in the weeks to come.  Someone asked if I was doing a count down yet.  To some degree I am, but I guess on the 10th of May, I will think more in terms of the countdown.  Also, there is the countdown to surgery, but that won't be when I start hearing; the hearing will begin July 2.  That means I still have almost 2 months of silence.

At the office a few minutes ago my husband came in and asked me to come talk to a customer.  It is a man named Lupe, who many years ago (over 35 years ago)was a janitor at our church.  Lupe has been deaf most of his life (if not all).  He was surprised to know that I am now in about the same situation, but told me he would be praying for my surgery.  He manages pretty well in his silent world.  He is actually the second deaf customer I have had this week.  I must admit that communication with Lupe and the other man came with some challenges.  I found myself trying to talk to the other man, but he seemed to not read lips or sign.  Lupe does some of both and wrote notes.

Earlier this afternoon , my husband said the lady who is working on my Quiet Quilt, called and said she was coming by to show me what she has done so far.  She brought the quilt, and she is doing an amazing job, as I knew she would.  She had some questions and she had asked me about 10 days ago for a couple of scriptures that she could "quilt" into the quilt.  I had selected one, but not the other until today.  The ones that I gave her to use on the quilt are Jeremiah 29:11, which has been sort of a family verse for many years and has been on my mind all throughout this time of silence.  It says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  The second verse I selected goes with the scenes that I had chosen for the quilt.  As you may recall from an earlier post, I selected fabrics that depicted quiet settings in this beautiful world that God created.  I chose Psalm 19:1 "The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament shows His handiwork."  God is good! 

Profound Hearing Loss

May 6, 2013

The hearing tests that I take, over and over these days, all come back with the same note written at the bottom of the page: Profound Hearing Loss.  What does that look like in a normal day? 

Recently I received the vibrating alarm clock that I had ordered from Harris Communications.  This company can be found on line and they have lots of items that can help people with hearing problems.  As I mentioned in an earlier blog entry, I was having to gear my life to my husband's schedule since I couldn't hear my own alarm clock.  I am pleased with the new vibrating alarm clock.  It  gently shakes me awake - it is not a violent shake - and I am now back to my old routine of getting up before my husband and making his coffee before I wake him. 

Normally after I would get Ron his coffee, I would turn on the kitchen TV and catch up on the news while I worked around the kitchen.  Now, I must depend on the closed captioning, so I must actually watch TV, not just listen as I would normally do.  This slows down my morning progress if there is something in the news that I actually think I need to know about.

Next in my routine, I go out in the backyard and fill the bird feeders, top off the ponds and birdbaths, and water the hanging plants.  I miss not being able to hear the birds, but I have not heard them very well for years.  That is something I look forward to when I get my Cochlear Implant!   It will be nice to actually hear them singing their thanks for the nice food I put out for them.  Watching the birds in the backyard is fun, even without "sound".

My husband and I own a locksmith business that has been in my family since 1939.  Currently, it is just the two of us.  He opens the office in the mornings and I arrive an hour or so later.  Then he is free to go out on jobs if he needs to.  Currently, one of my challenges is that the amplifier I use has a wire running from the unit to the ear buds.  I can manage to get that wire tangled on anything and everything.  I get it caught on knobs, cabinet corners, the pens chained to our counters, the spouts on the bottled water dispenser!  I seem to spend my day untangling myself from one thing or another.  In the car, I can get it wrapped around the seat belt, I tangle my keys in it, I catch it on my purse straps!  I will be so very glad to not be "wired for sound" anymore!

 

The amplifier works pretty well one-on-one.  I am able to help most of the customers with their needs.  One added challenge is that about half of our customers prefer Spanish to English and with or without my hearing loss, I am of little help in Spanish.  I tell them my Spanish is "tacos, tamales, enchiladas, and fajitas." and they normally laugh at me and admit that their English is "hamburgers, fries, and Coke."  So we can usually communicate enough to meet the needs. 

 

 

Sundays are probably the hardest days for me.  I love to go to church to worship the Lord.  I love the music and am challenged by the Bible study lessons and the sermons.  But currently, I must admit, that I have to make myself go.  My personal amplifier doesn't work for that type of setting.  I will say, that it did help when my hearing was not as bad as it is now.  When I first bought it several years ago, I used it some in church.  Now all I hear is a low rumble.  The music is a choppy, monotone with no distinguisable words.  So I sit through the service in vitual silence, turning the sound down sometimes to keep from hearing the rumble.  I can still pray for the pastor and those in the service.  In our Bible Study class for almost 10 years, I have not really participated in any of the discussion since I couldn't hear enough to be sure what had been said.  I am the class secretary, so I take attendance and then I spend class time writing cards to those who are absent or others in the church who might appreciate a little encouragment.  I write to some of the men connected to our church who are serving in the armed forces on the other side of the world.  There are many at the church who go out of their way to make me feel a part of what is going on and to give me a smile or a hug.  Years ago there was a Winter Texan couple in our church and the wife was so good about coming to sit by me during activities and often turning to me and saying, "Did you get that?"  She just had a God-given ability to know when I didn't have a clue about what had been said.  She was so kind about it and never embarassed me; she just kept me a part of what was going on.  I miss her.  My daughter-in-law, Barbara, is getting good at doing that.  I know that the people at the church love me and are praying for me.  I love them and look forward to being able to be more a part of all that goes on.  I shake hands with visitors and tell them I am glad they came, but don't ask their names because I know I won't hear them. 

 

Hearing loss is isolating.  I really don't intend to "whine" in what I share, but rather to challenge each reader to think of those in their lives who struggle to hear.  Maybe they need to be encouraged to try a new type of technology to improve their hearing, or maybe they need you to sit beside them and ask, "Did you get that?" 

 

I sometimes sense that some people try to avoid me, not knowing what to say or how to communicate with me.  It is hard.  It does take time.  But I must tell you that those who make the effort are appreciated greatly.  Just a week or two after I suffered my Sudden Hearing Loss, a friend picked me up to take me to the doctor.  She had a tote bag with her and when we arrived at the doctor's office I saw what was in it.  She had a tablet and a pencil and she wrote pages while we waited, asking me questions, telling me what was going on in the life of her family, and then taking excellent notes while we talked to the doctor.  She was such a blessing to me that day!

 

My hope and prayer for each reader is that you will look around you for those in your life who need your help.  None of us can meet the needs of all of them, but find one that you can help in some way.

Who Turned on the Music?

May 4, 2013

When I experienced my Sudden Hearing Loss back in mid-January, my world became basically  silent.  The hearing aid I had been using for 8 years was not strong enough to give me any sounds.  I could slightly hear VERY LOUD sounds, but nothing else.  The first several days there was a slight fluctuation in my hearing.  On about the 5th day, I could hear tiny bits of conversation, the toilet flushing, the electronic chime on the door at our shop, but within a week of the loss, those sounds had vanished. 

About the time I lost those few sounds, I began to hear music.  The music was very nice, relaxing, and pleasant.  Then it got very loud.  It is there ALL the time.  When I wake in the mornings, I  immediately become aware of it.  At night when I try to go to sleep it is still there. 

The first few days, there were only a few musical selections, over and over, for hours and hours.  One of the first pieces I heard was How Great Thou Art.  I had been doing research since about the 3rd day of the hearing change, on Sudden Hearing Loss, and continued doing more research (on line) concerning the music I had started hearing.  The best site I found to explain what I was experiencing (and continue to experience) can be found at: http://www.hearinglosshelp.com/articles/mes.htm if you want a scientific explanation.

There is a rather lengthy article at that site about the phenomenon.  This may become too technical or may tell you more than you want to know, but it is a part of what is happening to me.  From this article and others that I have read, it seems that the brain doesn't like silence; when there is no input, the brain creates its own sounds.  This is brought about because of Sensory Deprivation.  The brain needs sound.  The music is different from what many people experience, called "tinnitus".  With tinnitus, some people hear ringing in their ears while others describe different sounds like buzzing or a rushing wind.  But whatever that sound is, it is normally one tone that is continuous. 

The music is totally different.  In medical terms, this is called "non-psychiatric auditory hallucinations".  Some people hear a voice that sounds like a radio announcer, or a sportscaster while many hear the music.  These non-psychiatric hallucinations, are most common with people who have lost a significant amount of their hearing, but can happen in those with normal or near normal hearing.  (I have mentioned this phenomenon to family members and some who do not have a hearing loss say they hear what sounds like an announcer sometimes.  Another says while mowing the yard, the person can hear music).  The "announcer" is not like voices that talk to you or about you (those would be psychiatric auditory hallucinations).  As one article said, as long as the voices don't tell you what to do, you are OK.  Usually with the "announcer" you can't really tell what is being said, it is just a monotone voice that sounds like an old fashioned radio announcer coming from another room or a distance away.

Interestingly, most people who hear music, hear the old hymns.  Some hear The Star-Spangled Banner (unless they are from Canada and then they would most likely hear God Save the Queen or Oh Canada, or Australians would hear Waltzing Matilda).  In my case, one of the first songs I heard, on about the third musical day, was Waltzing Matilda.  I am not Australian and have never traveled there.  That lasted about a day.  Then I heard When We Walk With the Lord.  During the three months now that I have heard the music, that song is the one I hear the most.  Over and over the chorus says, "Trust and obey, for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey." 

From the first song, I was curious about the phenomenon, but the music brought me peace and comfort.  When my world had been turned upside down, the one constant was God's love and protection for me.  I have never questioned,"Why me?" or doubted His love and perfect plan for my life.  As I have often told friends, this is not the road I would have chosen, but it is the path God has put me on and I will follow it to where He wants me to be. 

The songs I began to hear, repeated over and over the truths of that love and steadfastness.  In the beginning, I would usually hear a male quartet, with a very strong, very deep bass.  The male quartets went on for a couple of weeks before I got more variety in the musical groups.  Normally, I would actually hear the words of the songs and the quartet would sing several verses. 

At this time I have recorded over 50 old hymns along with a few more recent praise songs that I have been hearing.  It was about 3 weeks into the music before I heard The Star Spangled Banner and on about the third day of music, I heard "Hey, Jude" by the Beatles.  That really threw me for a loop since I was not really a fan of The Beatles, but a precious friend had just had a baby and named him Jude.  That is the only reason I can think of for that to have popped up in my brain.

Over time, some of the music has become just instrumental and I can pick out trombones and baritones playing lead in some pieces.  One day last week I woke to Shall We Gather at the River accompanied by a BANJO!!  Where did that come from???  It was a lively way to start my day and I must say it got me to laughing.  I am not big on banjos, but that was a cheerful morning.  Most of the pieces are the same tempo - rather slow.  That one was very lively.


The hymns are the music I have loved to hear all my life.  I love the harmony in the old hymns and the messages that they teach us.  After a couple of weeks I began to focus on the words of those old  gospel songs: Have Faith in God; I Surrender All; Take My Life and Let it Be, and one of my favorites, In the Garden.  All of these reminded me that I could trust God to bring me through this time to have a closer walk with Him, to trust Him more.

Other hymns spoke to me in other ways: Make Me A Blessing, and Make Me a Channel, reminded me I could still reach out to others.  As I use my amplifier at the office, many have asked me about it and said they need one for themselves or a family member.  After writing out the information on the item several times, I ran off copies of the order information to share with those who ask.  Maybe I can help enrich their lives by showing them how to get back into the conversations they have been missing. 

Have a Little Talk With Jesus, Sweet Hour of Prayer, I Need Thee Every Hour, and When We Walk With the Lord, remind me that I need to take time to talk to the Lord and that I can be assured that He is walking beside me on this path.  God Will Take Care of You, and Have Faith in God, remind me to trust Him for my future.  In the words of each song there were things I could learn.  I had sung them all multiple times, but now they had added depth in the messages to me.

Other favorites that I continue to hear remind me that He gave his life for me and that He cares about me and will meet every need I have.  At the Cross, At Calvary, and One Day remind me what He did for me.  But after He gave His life, He arose and lives in Heaven.  He Lives can bring a smile to my face on a dark day.


In the hymns Send the Light, This is My Story, and We've a Story to Tell to the Nations, the words remind me that in these days of anti-Christian feelings, that we are to continue to tell others about God.  Hymns of God's greatness such as Great is Thy Faithfulness, I Stand Amazed..., His Name is Wonderful, and A Mighty Fortress Is Our God, proclaim He might and power.  But then Be Still and Know That I Am God tells me to take time to be quiet and listen to Him.  My ability to hear God's loving voice speak to my heart is not stopped by my hearing loss.

All of these hymns and the others I have been hearing have had an amazing, calming effect on me during some of the hard times.  When I am put in a sound-proof booth for yet another hearing test, the only sound I hear is "the music".  When I am sitting in a doctor's office waiting for hard to hear news, there is always His message in song, reaching out to surround me with His love.  When I went to be fitted for the super strong hearing aid, I began to wonder if that hearing aid were to work, would I be able to still hear the music.  It was not something I wanted to stop.

I may need to explain that when you are deaf, you can not hear anyone speak - including YOURSELF!  When I talk, I have no idea if I am speaking loudly or softly.  The first Sunday after the music started, we were in our Sunday School class which my husband Ron teaches.  He had mentioned to the class about the music.   I sit at a desk along the side of the room and write note cards to those who are absent.  In a little bit (I am told) I started humming or singing along with the music in my head.  They all started to laugh and of course I didn't know why.  But it did give him a chance to explain to them just how deaf I am.  I had no idea I could be heard.

I shared about the music with a sweet lady in whose home we stay when we make our many trips to Houston.  I told her about how I always hear the beautiful old gospel songs and tears came to her eyes as she said, "The angels are singing to you."  A couple of days later, I heard a harp accompany one of the songs.  I think she just might be right.  Sometimes I imagine God calling on some of the angels and telling them, "Today, you will be singing to Linda."

Whatever causes this lovely music, it is totally a blessing to me.  I accept it as a gift from God to help me through this time in my life and if it should ever go away, I will miss it greatly.